Letter to LA Lloyd By Seamus O'Sparks on October 22, 2017 — 4 mins read Letter to LA Lloyd- Program Director at KLBJ Fm 93.7 Dear LA Lloyd, Hi, my name is Seamus. I know that my email says James Martin, but that’s because of some troubled communication between Google and I. I’ll straighten those hucksters out in due time, don’t worry. Anyway, I wanted to bring something to your... More
Dear Union Pacific By Seamus O'Sparks on October 14, 2017 — 2 mins read Dear Union Pacific, My name is Seamus and I have a heavy tale to lay on you. On Thursday morning I was heading to work and a train was stopped on the tracks blocking everybody who was trying to get to where they were going. It was about 6:50 am and there were lots of... More
How to not get published…EVER By Seamus O'Sparks on September 26, 2017 — 1 min read Dear Seamus, Thanks for sending us “Ear Worms.” We’re sorry to say that it’s not right for The Sun. This isn’t a reflection on your writing. The selection process is highly subjective, something of a mystery even to us. There’s no telling what we’ll fall in love with, what we’ll let get away. Writing is... More
New Restaurant Idea for San Marcos By Seamus O'Sparks on April 30, 2017 — 1 min read Dear San Marcos Planning & Zoning, My name is Seamus. I am an entreprenuer in the restaurant business and would like to open an eatery in your community. As you well know, there are currently many famous restaurants oriented around the theme of the female body. Specifically, the breast region has been a popular trope... More
I just got my rejection letter from The Illuminati By Seamus O'Sparks on April 12, 2017 — 1 min read I really could use some positive vibes and hugs today. I just got my rejection letter from The Illuminati. I’m pretty bummed out. First The New Yorker and now these guys. Doesn’t anyone like me? Meh… Here’s what they wrote: Dear Seamus, You are most definitely not Illuminati material. We are a group of powerful... More
Man, I got rejected…again. This time by The New Yorker By Seamus O'Sparks on February 7, 2017 — 1 min read Man, I got rejected…again. This time by The New Yorker. Oh well, at least I’ll always have YOU Facebook 🙂 Here’s the tragic tale of another brutal failure: Dear Seamus Sparks, We regret that we are unable to use the attached material. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to consider it. To get a... More
MIKE WROTE BACK!!!! By Seamus O'Sparks on April 30, 2016 — 3 mins read MIKE WROTE BACK!!!! Hi Seamus O Sparks, Thank you for reaching out. I enjoyed your music a lot and thought it might be beneficial if we talk. You should know that aside from the major record labels, there are other organizations that can help you to secure significant airplay. Most recently, we’ve been receiving some... More
I had a delightful exchange with PBS last night By Seamus O'Sparks on March 15, 2016 — 1 min read I had a delightful exchange with PBS last night. And they say government is broken…only souls and soup bowls get broken…I’ve written tons of letters to the private sector and gotten wet silence for my trouble. So balls to all those artists, manufacturers, and psych wards who left me to pull death out of my... More
I’m afraid I had an unsatisfactory experience with Lenovo tech support By Seamus O'Sparks on March 9, 2016 — 1 min read I’m afraid I had an unsatisfactory experience with Lenovo tech support: Dear Lenovo, I called your tech support to ask a simple question. Your staff, per instructions they are undoubtedly sworn to uphold by the men upstairs, insisted that I get signed in to an account and wanted a litany of information from me. I... More
Do you ever wonder why certain songs are included in some radio station’s Christmas playlists? By Seamus O'Sparks on December 23, 2015 — 2 mins read Do you ever wonder why certain songs are included in some radio station’s Christmas playlists? I do. I wrote Majic 95.5 to see if they could shed a light on things: HI there! I listen to your Christmas station while at work. That means I get to hear hours and hours of you guys everyday.... More