Warning: Use of undefined constant DATABASE_SERVER - assumed 'DATABASE_SERVER' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/wjl7ay88puji/domains/seamus.wileykoepp.com/html/wp-config.php on line 32
MIKE WROTE BACK!!!! | Seamus O'Sparks


By Seamus O'Sparks on April 30, 2016 — 3 mins read


Hi Seamus O Sparks,
Thank you for reaching out. I enjoyed your music a lot and thought it might be beneficial if we talk.
You should know that aside from the major record labels, there are other organizations that can help you to secure significant airplay. Most recently, we’ve been receiving some of our best music from our parent company The Akademia Music Awards. This company is covering the cost to get artists not only on KVHT Hit XR Las Vegas, but on an extended network of stations worldwide. Since there’s no downside to it, you might want to consider submitting your music to them at www.theakademia.com. Just my advice.
I hope that this is helpful for you. Please keep me updated on your success and thanks for helping to make KVHT Hit XR the beating heart of Las Vegas!

Mike Z*****
Program Director
KVHT Hit XR Radio Las Vegas

My Response:

Dear Mike, great to hear back from you! I was beginning to think that you might have gotten cold feet…or something. Thanks for taking an interest in the band. I will definitely keep you posted on the band’s success. In fact, I’m proud to report to you that we are about to wrap up a very successful residency at a venue in Austin, Texas called The Blackheart. The run of shows has been great! At every performance we have gotten the crowd of about 300 people to both shout and sing, “penis.” That may not seem like a particularly impressive feat when you cold read it, Mike. But, I gotta’ tell you-Austin is known throughout our industry as one of the most aloof or “laid back” markets in the country. So if you can get anyone there to crack half a smile you’re doing good. But to get these monsters to yell (and sing) penis…well, Mike, that’s like getting Leonard Cohen to tell a fart joke. It’s a success beyond what the slide rules and actuarial charts can measure, Mike. And to see their faces light up like horny little imps… It’s like seeing the face of God, Mike. I appreciate you turning me on to this Akademia Music Awards, Mike. But I have to tell you a couple of things: First-they spelled “academia” wrong. Second-we aren’t in this thing for awards. Seeing hundreds of people yelling and singing penis is more satisfying than any award could ever be. When one has the power and charisma to bend the hip and the drunk to their will (and we do bend them, Mike. We bend them and they smile) one doesn’t need a medal or a gold star. No sir. All one needs after a night of hypersonic connectivity on the scale that I’m talking about is a glass of chocolate milk, some Handel music, and enough righteous pornography to make Caligula blush. I like the amateur and chubby sites, Mike. It centers me. So, needless to say, we probably won’t be contacting The Akademia Music Awards. We feel that you, Mike, are our huckleberry here. I feel it… Maybe just like you felt it when you heard our music? We want you, Mike. You deserve the glory on this and we want to give it to you. MIKE + CHASCA 4 EVER. We can move mountains together, Mike. You know it. I know it. Roscoe, my son, knows it-and he “knows” things…if you know what I mean…he’s a creepy little spud, Mike. Alright Mike, we work with YOU and YOU only! It’s the least we can do for you after all you’ve done for us!
Thanks Mike! Can’t wait to hear back from you!
ps-I don’t think we’ve actually done anything for KVHT. Maybe we could wear one of their T-Shirts?
pps-can you send me some KVHT T-Shirts?

Posted in: Letters

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.