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Letter to LA Lloyd | Seamus O'Sparks

Letter to LA Lloyd

By Seamus O'Sparks on October 22, 2017 — 4 mins read

Letter to LA Lloyd- Program Director at KLBJ Fm 93.7

Dear LA Lloyd,

Hi, my name is Seamus. I know that my email says James Martin, but that’s because of some troubled communication between Google and I. I’ll straighten those hucksters out in due time, don’t worry. Anyway, I wanted to bring something to your attention. This is not a complaint or anything. In fact, I’m not sure what this is. Let me just lay it on you and we can go from there.

I’ve been in a real funk lately, Lloyd. I’d go so far as to call it ennui. I won’t go into the heavy details, but let’s just say that things have been, karmically speaking, gnawing on my ass. I’m not a bad guy, but I have stepped in it a time or two. This, I will admit. What vexes me, Lloyd, is that the weight of, what seems like, cosmic retribution seems -to me- proportionally out of whack with whatever bad mojo I have put out there. I mean it’s been a real season of the witch for me lately, and I’m not entirely sure what I have done to bring this ill sucking luck down on myself.

So, by now I imagine that you are wondering what all this has to do with you. Well, here’s where it gets weird. Every time I hop into my car and tune into KLBJ 93.7, the rock of Austin, a Def Leppard song comes on. And when I say every time I do mean every time. At first it was just a little uncanny. Then it got me thinking. Now it’s making me nervous. What does Def Leppard have to do with me? I don’t have strong feelings for them. Somehow, though, the universe is trying to talk to me through you through them…or something.

Let me be clear about my lack of feelings with respect to Def Leppard. I think Pyromania is alright. I think (and thought when it was released) that Hysteria is pretty candy coated and overproduced. I definitely do not like Adrenalize. It’s a pile of shit if I were to be completely honest. Let’s get rocked? My ass. As for the rest, well-god bless ’em. I wouldn’t know about it because nothing Def Leppard has done since 1992 has breached my radar. And that’s okay. The point is, my feelings for Def Leppard have always ranked on the mild side. They don’t particularly bother me and I try not to give them any grief. It’s a relationship that has worked since 1980.

Given what I have explained to you, it makes the current situation that much more troubling. Why am I being hounded by Def Leppard? Does the universe think I need to “get rocked?” It’s a weird thing too because when I change the station from 93.7 I usually switch to Bob FM 103.5. And wouldn’t you know, whenever I do that they are always playing ‘You Sexy Thing” by Hot Chocolate. Don’t worry, Lloyd. That’s an issue between me and Bob and I assure you that I will be writing them a similar note. Our discussion is about the baffling connection/pattern/thing we have going among us: Def Leppard, you, and I.

I am not suggesting that KLBJ FM alter the playlist or reduce Def Leppard’s presence on the airwaves. Not at all. I just am curious if there’s anything from your end that could put my thoughts at ease about what is happening. My mind is really getting blown by all of this. You know? It’s like there’s nothing but blood pudding and nerve endings all quivering in my skull. I start the car-I dial in 93.7, and like clockwork it starts: Gunter gleiben glauchen globen… and I can tell you that the more this continues the more I’d rather fade away than burn out. Anymore Joe Elliot can pound sand on that line of thought.

I’m curious to know if anything similar has been happening over there at KLBJ FM 93.7? I mean, if we are somehow in a strange mode of synchronicity then it makes sense that when I do certain things, you guys would feel those vibrations. Have you all noticed anything odd or eerily preternatural at the station? If we could link it to my actions then we might be able to crack this very peculiar nut. I usually am in the car from 6:50 to 7:20 am-during your morning show so no worries there. I am then in my car from around 11:15-11:25 am. Again I drive from 4:15 – 4:25 pm. And often I am out for a drive between 8:35-8:45 pm (generally to buy a snack). This schedule is definitely varied from day-to-day, but it hews pretty close to what is typical for me.

Maybe we both can start graphing our daily routines and analyze the data to see where the patterns line up? I need some answers here. My nervous system’s getting all chewed up, Lloyd. I think we can help each other through this and redirect the motion of the cosmos. We gotta’ do something. Anything.

Thank you for your time and effort. I figure that you guys have to deal with this kind of thing from time to time and I’m glad to defer to your expertise on the matter. And I’ll do whatever I can to help resolve this dilemma. I’m willing to do the work, Lloyd-please just tell me what to do. If you need anymore information on me- birth date, social security number, PINs, etc. consider it yours. Your advice and insight will be greatly appreciated and liberally applied.


Seamus O Sparks

P.S.- Could you guys please play more cuts off of High and Dry? That’s a pretty bitchin’ album.

Posted in: Letters

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.