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New Restaurant Idea for San Marcos | Seamus O'Sparks

New Restaurant Idea for San Marcos

By Seamus O'Sparks on April 30, 2017 — 1 min read

Dear San Marcos Planning & Zoning,

My name is Seamus. I am an entreprenuer in the restaurant business and would like to open an eatery in your community. As you well know, there are currently many famous restaurants oriented around the theme of the female body. Specifically, the breast region has been a popular trope for this kind of enterprise. Places such as Hooters, Twin Peaks, and Fun Bags have brought tremendous success to themselves and their communities.

I would like to open such an establishment in San Marcos. My place would be called, Dumpers. Our theme would move focus from the breasts and place it on the rear ends of the women working for us. Consequently, the staff at dumpers will be comprised of hard working women with large behinds. Although we can all agree that breasts are awesome, I think the lower half of the female body is an overlooked and extremely viable option for crafting a hook around. The female posterior is ripe for the plucking.

I’ve attached a series of links to various adult websites that focus exclusively on this anatomical region, many with an emphasis on size. If you look at the numbers of views these websites have, I think you’ll see we’re sitting on a winning hand here. Men like women’s bottoms. Big ones at that.

We will serve a variety of American style foods-all brought to you by women with very large behinds. The house specialty is called, The Dumper. The idea is to combine the Cajun boil motif with an American twist. When you order The Dumper, a large pot of chili mixed with hamburger, hot dogs, french fries, onion rings, corn, and tater tots is dumped right on your table to be eaten family style. The Dumper is very popular with kids.

In conclusion, I ask for your consideration in allowing me to bring my Dumpers to your town. I have seven locations in San Marcos already purchased and waiting to be transformed from dumps into Dumpers. Everyone is welcome in our Dumpers. In fact, our goal is to fit as many of your citizens into our Dumpers as possible.

Thanks for your time.

Dumpers-Get to the BOTTOM of your hunger.

Posted in: Cuisine, Letters

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.