The South By Southwest Miracle By Seamus O'Sparks on March 20, 2017 — 38 mins read Music is the brandy of the damned – Shaw Rock and roll band, everybody’s waiting, getting’ crazy, anticipating love and music; play, play play – Scholz I was drinking my Big Red soda when I heard the thump against the window. I turned to look at this piece of human debris pressed flush against the... More
Some things about corn (also known as maize) By Seamus O'Sparks on September 28, 2016 — 1 min read Some things about corn (also known as maize): Maize was engineered from teosinte between 7,500 and 12,000 years ago in the Tehuacan Valley of Mexico. An influential 2002 study by Matsuoka et al. has demonstrated that, rather than the multiple independent domestications model, all maize arose from a single domestication in southern Mexico about 9,000... More
Wiley Koepp is NOT JOINING THE NAVY By Seamus O'Sparks on August 24, 2016 — 1 min read I’m afraid I must offer a sincere apology for any confusion that may have resulted from the posts yesterday. It turns out that Wiley Koepp is NOT JOINING THE NAVY. I misunderstood him, it seems, when he said he was joining the “Old Navy Birthday Club.” Yeah…apparently you can get good deals on some kick... More
Hey, the band-chasca- is going to play in Laredo and Brownsville this weekend By Seamus O'Sparks on August 11, 2016 — 1 min read Hey, the band-chasca- is going to play in Laredo and Brownsville this weekend. Since we’re going to be hugging the Mexican border I’m gonna’ need some extra scratch, you know, just in case I gotta’ jam. Does anybody want to buy some nude pix of Christine McVie? Taken during the Tusk era (not by me)... More
Dear Acura… By Seamus O'Sparks on June 1, 2015 — 2 mins read Dear Acura, My girlfriend recently bought a 2008 RDX. Man, what a sweet ride! In January, the seat warmers were a real charm against Old Man Winter’s icy hand. We’ve done everything in this car–from careening down winding mountain roads to flying through isolated sections of the great southwestern American desert. This car has been... More
Egokick put a story about Gwenyth Paltrow in my feed By Seamus O'Sparks on November 5, 2014 — 2 mins read Egokick put a story about Gwenyth Paltrow in my feed. I had to talk to them about it: Hi Egokick. I’m Seamus. One of your stories appeared in my “feed.” Initially I was not sure why your story was in my feed. Then I lit a cigarette and took a strong pop of rye and... More
I wrote to Sega to tell them that I thought the installation process for Empire: Total War sucked By Seamus O'Sparks on August 26, 2014 — 2 mins read I’m an idiot…I wrote to Sega to tell them that I thought the installation process for Empire: Total War sucked. They sent me a form response and wanted me to sign-in to a Sega account to maximize their feedback efficiency. Here was my response- Hi, Thanks for the thoughtful reply! I’m really not in need... More
This buxom chick just gave me a working over with an extractor and some sanitizer By Seamus O'Sparks on November 22, 2013 — 1 min read This buxom chick just gave me a working over with an extractor and some sanitizer. I should smell better, what with all that bacteria destroyed. I don’t know why Mexico gets such a bad rap. I hope I make it back in time for the Chasca show at The Blackheart…Oops- gotta’ burn outta’ here. Too... More
I got bit at work yesterday By Seamus O'Sparks on June 29, 2013 — 1 min read I got bit at work yesterday. A customer bit me because I wouldn’t honor a coupon. The coupon was for Wendy’s. I don’t work at Wendy’s. People use our toilet all the time at work and then they bite me and call me “son” and complain about the prices and they don’t believe that Oswald... More
It occured to me that amidst all my eros and hooey that I have never said anything about Orgasms By Seamus O'Sparks on June 14, 2013 — 1 min read It occurred to me that amidst all my eros and hooey that I have never said anything about Orgasms. That’s weird… I like ’em. I like ’em a lot. I have ’em as often as I can, whenever I’m not being hassled…and I’m rarely being hassled. I remember my first orgasm. You should have seen... More