I wrote to Sega to tell them that I thought the installation process for Empire: Total War sucked

By Seamus O'Sparks on August 26, 2014 — 2 mins read

I’m an idiot…I wrote to Sega to tell them that I thought the installation process for Empire: Total War sucked. They sent me a form response and wanted me to sign-in to a Sega account to maximize their feedback efficiency. Here was my response-


Thanks for the thoughtful reply! I’m really not in need of a timely response, but thanks for the option. I don’t want to login to anything just to tell you that I think your installation process sucks. That would be rather silly. But, now I think your response to my email sucks too. So, there we are. In fact, just looking at this form response makes me feel weird. Are we all operating on a Wal-Mart wave length now? Is that where the victory culture has lead us? It hurts my heart to think of it…it truly does. The way I see it we’re about six short years from Glenn Frey becoming President. And then what? Business as usual I suppose-Mickey Mouse spitting toxic waste and gratifying his lusts with a corn-dog and a bottle of Vitalis. There will be no room for real madness in the future we are creating. It’s stupefying to think about it. And all the porn and cocaine in the world won’t be enough to make us feel ripe again. So what will we do for kicks? Perhaps we’ll turn Mexico into a neon amusement park and overrun it with our desires and heartache and we’ll look around and see that it is good? Dark days ahead I’m afraid. Please don’t think that I have personal contempt for you-dear person who may be actually reading this gibberish. You and I, we’re the same. We’re brothers. Yeah…We’re a couple of good looking rebels doomed to hiss and bare our teeth at a world that has traded balls and chutzpah for hustle and jive. I know you can get to that. So, maybe you and I will meet up and trade it all for a tent and a case of Cuervo and we’ll head to the desert and do it up right? While everything else turns on a plastic axis we will obliterate ourselves and celebrate the grim fact that we are indeed the last two members of the human race. We will blind them all with our bitchin’ ways and cling desperately to the notion that one day, somehow, they will return to us.



Posted in: Letters

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.