Warning: Use of undefined constant DATABASE_SERVER - assumed 'DATABASE_SERVER' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/wjl7ay88puji/domains/seamus.wileykoepp.com/html/wp-config.php on line 32
Egokick put a story about Gwenyth Paltrow in my feed | Seamus O'Sparks

Egokick put a story about Gwenyth Paltrow in my feed

By Seamus O'Sparks on November 5, 2014 — 2 mins read

Egokick put a story about Gwenyth Paltrow in my feed. I had to talk to them about it:

Hi Egokick. I’m Seamus. One of your stories appeared in my “feed.” Initially I was not sure why your story was in my feed. Then I lit a cigarette and took a strong pop of rye and realized that it was God’s plan. You and I were meant to cross paths. We were meant to cross paths and interact. Indeed. Nothing happens without a reason in our Universe. I hope you can get to that line of thinking. After I stopped wondering why your story was in my feed, and after the rye started working its way into my brain, I began to realize that I needed to probe the deeper recesses of my wonderment. Further rumination on the matter brought me to the heart of my mystification. Then, I hit upon my real question: why do you, Egokick, exist at all? What is your purpose here in our world? Do we really need another machine to pump out pop culture vacuities? We live in a world of beheadings and nervous conditions. In an age of split-atoms and fractured minds, does it really matter if Gwen Stefani’s shorts are halfway up her ass crack? It’s this kind of pop culture gibbering that fills the madhouses and taverns with broken dreams and feeds the tyranny of the Wal-Mart aesthetic. I could be wrong, of course, but I remain curious none-the-less. So, why do you exist? What is it that you seek to accomplish? Our world needs beauty and balls. We need kinky liberation from the banal in the form of poetry and dulcet tones and sublime architecture and glorious creations and critical thoughts and razor sharp soul. Is that where you’re at? There are limitless outlets that keep us informed on Miley Cyrus’s bowel movements and which celebrity cuts the loudest farts (it’s Debbie Boone btw). It all makes me and countless other want to pull our teeth out and head to Mexico. Can you imagine that; a horde of half-naked, half-mad, toothless geeks making a pilgrimage, en masse, to the Chihuahuan desert? Picture all of them-all of us- dirty and abject and looking for cheap booze, free milk, and absolution…searching in vain for the New Jerusalem. Can you live with that ugly scenario on your conscience? Think about it. Now then, where does that leave us? I’m certain that, after reading this little screed, you will do some reflecting. After such reflection, I hope you will see that you can offer our world so much more than just the latest in celebrity foreskin news. I have faith in you, Egokick. I believe in you.

Big Hugs,


Posted in: Facebook, Letters

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.