LONG SINCERE POST-VERY TRAGIC By Seamus O'Sparks on March 29, 2016 — 2 mins read LONG SINCERE POST-VERY TRAGIC Hi everyone, this is J.T. (Seamus) from Chasca. I’m afraid I have terrible news. I died last night. Yeah-I ate a surfeit of lampreys (the king killer) and keeled over about an hour later while I was watching my favorite porno, “The Sperminator.” It was wretched. I just wanted everyone to... More
I was bitten by my pet turtle today By Seamus O'Sparks on January 22, 2016 — 1 min read I was bitten by my pet turtle today. His name is Regular Mike. I was feeding him ham when he bit me. I may lose a finger. It’s my lucky finger. Could you please vote for me and my little band. We’ve had lots of hard luck with the turtles and falcons lately and could... More
Egokick put a story about Gwenyth Paltrow in my feed By Seamus O'Sparks on November 5, 2014 — 2 mins read Egokick put a story about Gwenyth Paltrow in my feed. I had to talk to them about it: Hi Egokick. I’m Seamus. One of your stories appeared in my “feed.” Initially I was not sure why your story was in my feed. Then I lit a cigarette and took a strong pop of rye and... More
The Fossil Riley Multifunction Ceramic Watch By Seamus O'Sparks on January 2, 2014 — 1 min read Facebook keeps telling me that I might like the Fossil Riley Multifunction Ceramic Watch. I’m not sure why. They keep suggesting that I might like “that” post. I told them to eat fuck and still they keep pushing their jive on me. This is why we are driven mad in the airports, and mad by... More