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The New American Way: Gonorrhea in the Historic District: Take Another Pizza My Heart | Seamus O'Sparks

The New American Way: Gonorrhea in the Historic District: Take Another Pizza My Heart

By Seamus O'Sparks on February 8, 2017 — 6 mins read

VERY VERY LONG POST: The New American Way: Gonorrhea in the Historic District: Take Another Pizza My Heart
Today I’m going to be a good Facebooker…make that a good AMERICAN, and kvetch about something, after the fact, that I can’t effect change on, and I don’t have all the details/data about. I’m going to bitch loudly into the wind and use some heavy slang in the process. If, by chance, I speak in error or lay some harsh and ugly allegations inaccurately please step up and correct me. I promise I won’t concede any error but will likely dig in and respond with unfiltered nastiness. Hey, I like to be in step with the zeitgesit and discourse these days is about as meaningful and productive as a fart in a whorehouse. Besides, it makes for great live theater…you have been warned. AND NOW-the rest of the post: So what happened with the Gumby’s Pizza situation here in San Marcos? From what I can glean the city council denied them permision to sell alcohol because they are “too close” to the historic district and residential neighborhoods? Is this correct? What am I missing? Is that a real thing, being too close to the historic district to sell booze? History is filled with booze swillers, what gives? Were they (Gumby’s) not proposing to open a business which sells booze in an area that is zoned for such an enterprise? If indeed they were wanting to build in an area where poison and pizza are a no-no then, I guess, tough titty for them. It appears, however, that this is not the case. From what I have observed, the sticky wicket appears to be another business owner not wanting a place such as Gumby’s to open shop near their location. Apparently this fellow entrepreneur is concerned that the clientele of her bed and breakfast (The Crystal River Inn) will be disturbed by the late night patrons of a beer hawking pizza slinging hot spot. A case was built upon this individual’s professional animus by a coalition of similarly concerned citizens who opined that having Gumby’s deal suds at the location in question (and late at night) would compromise the integrity of life in the surrounding neighborhood(s). Allegations and hypotheticals of piss stained degenerates with lust in their heart and pizza on their breath terrorizing the decent, slumbering townsfolk were brought up as a grim portrait of what life would be like if Gumby’s were allowed to push their booze and lewdness so perilously close to residential turf. There were also concerns about Gumby’s selling booze close to churches, virgins, rehab centers, old people, and a (heh heh) sorority house. Am I close to understanding the issue here or do I need to take a plunger to my head? I think the equation looks like this: Gumby’s + booze+late hours (drunks and rapists)^milling about at all hours+proximity to good Americans= BAD! Now then, I am familiar with the area where Gumby’s is proposing to build. It’s downtown…and not a particularly sightly part of downtown; close to a supermarket and a liqour store and a donut shop…If that’s encroaching on the “historical district” then I’m Dwight D. Eisen…damn, can’t spell his name without googling…I’m Gabby Hayes. Also, as far as I know (and I am frequently wrong) it is legal to operate an establishment that sells booze until 2:00 am (that’s the time when we have to stop drinking, right) where Gumby’s is proposing to build. Am I incorrect here? So what’s the molasses about? Do we really live in a town where a single business owner can marshall a cadre of torch waving indignation sucking sympathizers to put the kibosh on someone else’s venture? If so, then here’s how that equation looks: Crystal River Inn’s desires > free enterprise + alarmist populism (-) what the law says=BULLSHIT. And let me be clear; I don’t have any interest in Gumby’s. Less of a shit could I give about them as a person who eats food(especially pizza). I don’t know anybody there, I don’t eat there, I have no connection or affinity with the place. My motivation to get long winded about this is based on my profound hatred of unfairness. Unless I am completely misinformed about things, Gumby’s has been screwed. Screwed out of their right to legitimately sell booze(and pizza) in an area and within a time frame that is within the paramaters of the law. This, the proprietors of Gumby’s argue, compromises their ability to make money. Maybe, maybe not, and that’s hardly the point. It’s a crazy day in America when a business is castrated at the viterprative behest of another business owner and their homespun coterie. I’m going to go out on a very speculative limb here, but I like the view so I think I’ll take shots from this vantage point, and say the people who took Gumby’s to the mat are the same ones who bitch the loudest when they get a whiff of any kind of government interference in their racket. These are the same twill heads that shit their pants at the slightest perception of infringement upon their rights to stick it to the world in the meanest and most mercenary of ways. They sloganeer and bark freedom only to apply it in the narrowest manner, and only to suit their own self-interest. You can bet I know these people: they have clocks for hearts and dollar bills hanging out of their assholes…and they hate the government and they have YOUR best interest at heart. So, at a glance, this screwing Gumby’s has gotten comes from many of the same people who would pistol whip a nervous radical geek like me for suggesting that some government regulation is good and some free enterprise appeals to the reptile in all of us. No wonder we have a human shit stain for a president…and Wal*Mart…and bad music…but I digress… So, am I crooked about all of this? If so, sic the wolfman on me because it looks like an elitist fuck around from top to bottom. I guess this is the world we inhabit. Everyone’s belching about globalism and the world bank and Alex Jones is a swine on fire with the truth and Obama finger fucks the Sultan of Brunei while grubby little merchants run the show at the local level… the tyranny of the capelocracy…the new world order of mean shop keepers and piss artists. Of the people, by the people, for the people. If I’m wrong, I’ll eat a bug. And now that I have run off with the word spew I’m going to let it go for a moment. And tonight, I’m going to get tricked out on all the Purple Drank I can get my hands on. I will push the borders of my own melancholic dementia, take off all of my clothes, and wander the streets of the historic district here in San Marcos. Let’s see what the neighbors and nobles make of a half-crazed nudist strolling casually through their territory. I’ll be easy to spot, just look for the bruises and gonorrhea….

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The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.