PLEASE READ-I NEED A MIRACLE-PLEASE!!!

PLEASE READ-I NEED A MIRACLE-PLEASE!!! Hey ya’ll, I need some advice or something. I haven’t been feeling like myself and last night I discovered why. I was rubbing my inner thigh (Valentine’s Day) and I found a Witch’s Teat. I have a Witch’s Teat. No doubt about it. The question now is, what do I do? Science is no help here. I need an Inquisitor-Spanish, Portuguese, Italian…doesn’t matter. Does anybody have a copy of “The Crucible” that I may borrow? I guess my cat, Malcolm, is my “familiar.” He’s real lazy. What a thing, man. Why me? I really could use some help here. Otherwise, you can all expect your crops to wither and other such misfortunes. I have a Witch’s Teat. I wither crops. Is “Malleus Maleficarum” available on Kindle? Also, does anybody know a good place in San Marcos to collect toads and newts? I’m working on a project that involves putting the “cure” on some Separatists (heh heh heh)… SEE! See what’s happening… I need help. All these nightmares and orgies are really getting to me.