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By Seamus O'Sparks on February 15, 2016 — 1 min read

PLEASE READ-I NEED A MIRACLE-PLEASE!!! Hey ya’ll, I need some advice or something. I haven’t been feeling like myself and last night I discovered why. I was rubbing my inner thigh (Valentine’s Day) and I found a Witch’s Teat. I have a Witch’s Teat. No doubt about it. The question now is, what do I do? Science is no help here. I need an Inquisitor-Spanish, Portuguese, Italian…doesn’t matter. Does anybody have a copy of “The Crucible” that I may borrow? I guess my cat, Malcolm, is my “familiar.” He’s real lazy. What a thing, man. Why me? I really could use some help here. Otherwise, you can all expect your crops to wither and other such misfortunes. I have a Witch’s Teat. I wither crops. Is “Malleus Maleficarum” available on Kindle? Also, does anybody know a good place in San Marcos to collect toads and newts? I’m working on a project that involves putting the “cure” on some Separatists (heh heh heh)… SEE! See what’s happening… I need help. All these nightmares and orgies are really getting to me.

Posted in: Random

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.