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Well, I had a great greasy Friday night | Seamus O'Sparks

Well, I had a great greasy Friday night

By Seamus O'Sparks on May 4, 2013 — 1 min read

Well, I had a great greasy Friday night. I got lucky. Real lucky. I went with some friends to eat at this place called The Dirty Laddio’. It’s a real hog’n scarf kinda’ joint. I was at the all you can eat buffet and I locked eyes with this lady. She was all hips and jowls and when I saw her my heart did the happy pants dance. We were both covered in yum-yum sauce. But we didn’t care. We were in love. She had great teeth. I made a move. A big move. We went out to her mini-van because I don’t have a car. We kissed and made pinky swears. The song, “Simple Man” by Lynyrd Skynyrd was playing on the radio. Then she held me down with all her might and said, “Just so you know, I used to be a man.” I winked at her and said, “So did I, fraulein. So did I…”

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.