I had an attack of conscience last night! I was at a swinger’s party drinking grape soda and listening to Supertramp when it jumped me from behind. It was mad mean stuff. I’m not sure who it belonged to but it gave me a vicious working over. Then it stole my wallet and pulled down my pants. Then all the swingers pointed and laughed at me and shooed me away with a broom. My parents did the same thing to me when I was a boy and told them that I wanted to grow up to be a macho swinger. Then this morning my boss calls and tells me that I can no longer come to work drunk. This is the worst Thursday ever…I love you all!