OH MY GOODNESS, Y’ALL-I went to THE FUTURE By Seamus O'Sparks on January 25, 2016 — 1 min read OH MY GOODNESS, Y’ALL-I went to THE FUTURE this weekend and what I saw was not good. Ted Cruz, Donald Trump, and Kanye were all three Co-Presidents. I was able to bring this clip back to show you all what awaits us. When I was in the future they were able to reanimate Aldous Huxley.... More
Do you know how many versions of the song, “Last Christmas” there are? By Seamus O'Sparks on December 19, 2015 — 1 min read Do you know how many versions of the song, “Last Christmas” there are? 139. That’s right-there are 139 versions of that delightfully tender Yuletide classic. And I think I heard every single one of them at work yesterday. It’s hard to imagine anyone being able to improve upon Wham’s original heart blown opus. A few... More
Nothing gets me down! By Seamus O'Sparks on December 28, 2014 — 1 min read Nothing gets me down! I have an unshakeable belief in the possible and a firm commitment to the extraordinary. That’s the cornerstone of my superstentialist world view. Now then, there was a heavyset All-American couple in their 60s who came into my store yesterday. It looked like they shared a single lung. When I told... More
Just in time for Monday By Seamus O'Sparks on April 28, 2014 — 1 min read Just in time for Monday-one of the more lighthearted songs about suicide that you may ever hear. The lyrics for this song probably did as much to influence my own stabs at verbal irreverence than anything else. Look ’em up! Genesis, 1971. More
Gads…ye gads… Gethsemene… GOLGOTHA. What a night. By Seamus O'Sparks on November 22, 2013 — 1 min read Gads…ye gads… Gethsemene… GOLGOTHA. What a night. Hell of a night. Front’s here…hello front. Hell of a front. And I’ve eaten lotsa’ hams all damn night long. Now everything smells like hams and fat and father christmas and failure. Even my cat has that doomed look on his prissy cat face. What a bummer man.... More
Last night I was attacked by acrobats! By Seamus O'Sparks on June 9, 2011 — 1 min read Last night I was attacked by acrobats! They were spotty and malodorous little geeks with sparklies and squinty little eyes. I think they were after my flower shaped soaps. The emperor Nero was described as being spotty and malodorous. He committed suicide on June 9th 68 c.e. Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a spotty... More