“If I die, I want to come back as a prickly pear.” By Seamus O'Sparks on April 13, 2017 — 1 min read Nix stared at me and asked, “Why?” “Look at them. They just suck on the sun and fill up with goo. They feel everything-the wind, the rain, the sun. Mostly,they just feel good about themselves-all gooey inside.” Tiny said, “Yeah, gooey on the inside but spikey on the outside.” “Exactly. Nothing fucks with them because... More
America has farted By Seamus O'Sparks on November 11, 2016 — 1 min read America has farted My nation cut a fart And it smells like liberty It was loud and it was rank And was squarely aimed at me My nation cut a fart And then blamed it on the dog We couldn’t see clear to blame ourselves Through the fetid fog Between the gloating and the gloom... More
MIKE WROTE BACK!!!! By Seamus O'Sparks on April 30, 2016 — 3 mins read MIKE WROTE BACK!!!! Hi Seamus O Sparks, Thank you for reaching out. I enjoyed your music a lot and thought it might be beneficial if we talk. You should know that aside from the major record labels, there are other organizations that can help you to secure significant airplay. Most recently, we’ve been receiving some... More
Word from Iowa is that the results are too early to call By Seamus O'Sparks on February 2, 2016 — 1 min read Word from Iowa is that the results are too early to call. Too early to call and TOO LATE TO TURN BACK. You’re doomed America, better get right with God, ya’ hear. I guess it’s not that big a deal. I’ve been doomed for a long time. A woman farted so conspicuously at work today... More
I AM WOMAN-PAY ME MORE!?!?! By Seamus O'Sparks on September 19, 2015 — 2 mins read I AM WOMAN-PAY ME MORE!?!?! Long post warning I like women. They’re neat. Sometimes I wear their clothes. I definitely try to get “weird” and “diabolical” with them as often as possible. WOMEN-I salute you. I say all of this because I just saw a report on KXAN about women not getting paid as much... More
IS THERE GAS IN THE CAR? YES THERE’S GAS IN THE CAR By Seamus O'Sparks on August 26, 2015 — 2 mins read IS THERE GAS IN THE CAR? YES THERE’S GAS IN THE CAR (Long Post Warning) Somebody asked me the other day what I thought of Donald Trump. Under normal circumstances I might have said something flip such as, “Donald Trump is like a wet fart-unpleasant at large but entertaining enough when you’re stoned.” Or I... More
WARNING-TRUE STORY-SCARY STUFF-DON’T READ IF YOU ARE A NERVOUS PERSON-REALLY HAPPENED-SHOCKING TRUTH-SEX By Seamus O'Sparks on October 21, 2014 — 3 mins read Oh my heck did I have a rough night…So rough that my grammar and syntax and word choice might be kinda’ iffy here. I felt a little blue yesterday so I went to the saloon. There I was, sitting at the bar drinking my milk, when who should walk in but the Dark Prince himself.... More
I have a profile on OkCupid By Seamus O'Sparks on November 12, 2013 — 1 min read Because I can, I would like everyone to know that I have a profile on OkCupid. My name there is Imagogami. It’s a pretty creepy profile too. Now, why do I have a profile on OkCupid? Am I looking for love? Yuck. Love is gross. Farts to puny love I say. No, my hope is... More
Monday you smell like bears By Seamus O'Sparks on July 25, 2011 — 1 min read Monday you smell like bears Monday another weekend and no orgies Monday you are tuesday’s Hannibal Barca Monday small governments can still have huge appetites Monday no more long sinewy thighs Monday and I’m still prepared to vomit Monday and Friday I was a Titan Monday purloined my keys Monday and my vision isn’t any... More