I Made My Fantasy a Reality and Brought My Fake Self-Help Book to Life – Hastily Written Hokum to Cleanse the Soul By Seamus O'Sparks on April 28, 2017 — 11 mins read HOW TO SCORE WITH BABES WHEN YOU’RE REPULSIVE Most people are repulsive. Though natural selection tries to propel us towards mates that have at least some qualities that are beneficial to the species, like physical attraction, repulsiveness seems to win out at the genetic level. Repulsiveness, as a construct, can mean different things. Because life... More
OH MY GOD! By Seamus O'Sparks on May 9, 2015 — 1 min read OH MY GOD! I just heard the news that the AMERICANS are going to INVADE TEXAS! But I live in Texas? Which is also America (United States of)? Zuh?…and now I see it (FLASHING LIGHTS) Wowzer-those sneaky pukes! I don’t think history has ever seen such a cunning tactic employed with respect to a SURPRISE... More
There’s trouble abroad, domestic rancor, unpredictable weather patterns-basically, business as usual on planet Earth By Seamus O'Sparks on September 12, 2013 — 1 min read There’s trouble abroad, domestic rancor, unpredictable weather patterns-basically, business as usual on planet Earth. BUT-in San Marcos Texas, we’re chugging along. We’re the fastest growing city in America! And, thanks to the CHASCA EFFECT, we’re also the city with the weirdest and loosest morals since St. Paul straightened out those tosspot Corinthians. That’s right: we... More
I saw the WORST movie of all time last night! By Seamus O'Sparks on March 1, 2013 — 1 min read I saw the WORST movie of all time last night! It’s called, “The Eagles Meet the Phantom of the Park.” It’s absurd. I mean The Eagles? With SUPER POWERS??? Boomerang mustache my a$$! Though the part where Don Henley breathed fire seemed plausible. Anyway, it was so terrible I thought to myself, gee-whiz I bet... More
On this day in 1588 Sir Francis Drake and his bawdy band of English buccaneers defeated the Spanish Armada By Seamus O'Sparks on July 29, 2011 — 1 min read On this day in 1588 Sir Francis Drake and his bawdy band of English buccaneers defeated the Spanish Armada. The haughty naughty Spanish were laughing at a deformed Portuguese boy when Drake & Co. sneak attacked. Drake finished those Spaniards off by throwing his moustache-which operated like the Glaive from Krull. In 1970 Glenn Frey... More
Rod Stewart’s at it again By Seamus O'Sparks on July 26, 2011 — 1 min read Rod Stewart’s at it again. He came over last night and his arse was filled with napalm. He told me that transcendental poetry was a bunch of hooey. I asked him what he thought of Walt Whitman. He said “Whitman couldn’t find kicks in a football(English) match!” I told him that Oscar Wilde kissed Whitman.... More