27 Questions By Seamus O'Sparks on October 18, 2017 — 1 min read Favorite smell? Perineum Last time you cried? I’m crying now Favorite pizza? Pizza deez nuts Favorite flowers? Naked Man Orchid Did you go to college? I was enrolled Untie your shoes when taking them off? I untie everything Roller coasters? Roller boogie Favorite ice cream? Grape Favorite past time? I always enjoy half-past nine Shorts... More
WARNING:HEROICALLY LONG POST AHEAD By Seamus O'Sparks on June 23, 2015 — 10 mins read WARNING:HEROICALLY LONG POST AHEAD. It seems Red Ted is at it again. Apparently, so he tells me, he is quite the magnet for internet scam artists. For about a week he has been courting a poor damsel who needs to get home from Nigeria. Here is the unfiltered finale(courtesy of Ted) of RED TED VS... More
I did something horrible By Seamus O'Sparks on January 18, 2015 — 1 min read I did something horrible. While cursing God for creating spaghetti and making me musically inclined instead of a crack shot or able to catch a ball, I channeled my frustrations into my little known second hobby: mad science. Long story short, in my fevered pique, I created the world’s first Octo-Bear-You know, for the kids.... More
I had a dream last night By Seamus O'Sparks on January 9, 2015 — 1 min read I had a dream last night where a gray/blue female cat was helping me track down a python (a really pretty shimmery one) that was slinking through my house. I looked up the meaning and found that the snake was a phallic symbol=masculinity and the cat=femininity and power. Then I went and washed all the... More
Poem Love By Seamus O'Sparks on August 9, 2014 — 1 min read Oh my love is like Tim Rice The words she writes are very nice And though it may yet be debated She thinks that Cats is overrated More
Gads…ye gads… Gethsemene… GOLGOTHA. What a night. By Seamus O'Sparks on November 22, 2013 — 1 min read Gads…ye gads… Gethsemene… GOLGOTHA. What a night. Hell of a night. Front’s here…hello front. Hell of a front. And I’ve eaten lotsa’ hams all damn night long. Now everything smells like hams and fat and father christmas and failure. Even my cat has that doomed look on his prissy cat face. What a bummer man.... More
My cat gnawed his leg off last night! By Seamus O'Sparks on December 2, 2011 — 1 min read My cat gnawed his leg off last night! He did it in his sleep. What’s worse, when he ran out of his leg he started on mine. Bad cat! He gnawed off my big toe. My favorite piggy. Now I can’t jump around and flail about. ZUT! I tried to replace my big toe with... More
Today in 1982 CATS opened on broadway By Seamus O'Sparks on October 7, 2011 — 1 min read Today in 1982 CATS opened on broadway. Oh Cats-with your The Rum Tum Tugers, Jennyanydotses,& Rumpleteazers-You stole my heart. It was weird when I saw it, though, because I couldn’t figure out what was happening. I was all, “I don’t get it?” It turns out that I had confused Cats with Jesus Christ Superstar. I... More