I Made My Fantasy a Reality and Brought My Fake Self-Help Book to Life – Hastily Written Hokum to Cleanse the Soul By Seamus O'Sparks on April 28, 2017 — 11 mins read HOW TO SCORE WITH BABES WHEN YOU’RE REPULSIVE Most people are repulsive. Though natural selection tries to propel us towards mates that have at least some qualities that are beneficial to the species, like physical attraction, repulsiveness seems to win out at the genetic level. Repulsiveness, as a construct, can mean different things. Because life... More
I need all of your help/advice please!?!? By Seamus O'Sparks on January 15, 2017 — 1 min read I need all of your help/advice please!?!? My girlfriend caught me having an emotional affair. What should I do to make things all better? I was having the affair with myself. She caught me really connecting and bonding with myself over several common interests me and I share. Naturally she got upset and threw bath... More
My Ideal Partner Would Look Like Patricia Krenwinkel By Seamus O'Sparks on January 3, 2017 — 1 min read So, according to Facebook, my ideal partner would look like Patricia Krenwinkel. Right on-I imagine those Manson chicks were demons in the sack. But really, I’m not so shallow about things. As long as my partner were kind, loving, supportive, into threesomes, nurturing, intelligent, kinky, kind, loving, into foursomes, honest, nurturing, kind, willing to invite... More
Happy mother’s day! By Seamus O'Sparks on May 8, 2016 — 1 min read Happy mother’s day! On this day I am reminded of a brilliant quote (that I came up with): The only thing worse than desiring a woman is having a relationship with her… ain’t I a stinker… More
The women on OKcupid are a bunch of jive By Seamus O'Sparks on May 3, 2016 — 1 min read The women on OKcupid are a bunch of jive. They keep grousing at me about all the “dick pics” I send them. Don’t they know how much trouble I went through to get those? All those hours in the men’s restrooms and gym showers, all those beatings, all the court costs… It really hardens my... More
The last time I made love By Seamus O'Sparks on January 26, 2016 — 1 min read The last time I made love I was told that I was “TERRIBLE AND MAJESTIC” and I was like well your music still SUCKS Madonna. I can’t believe she’s my cousin… More
Eat this Hallmark! By Seamus O'Sparks on February 5, 2015 — 1 min read I’ve crafted the most dulcet of Valentine’s expressions ever: “You are special to me, love. So special that you ride on the “little” bus to my heart.” <3 More
You may find this hard to believe, but I am an ordained minister By Seamus O'Sparks on December 22, 2014 — 1 min read You may find this hard to believe, but I am an ordained minister. It’s true. I’m not all sodomy and pep pills. I performed my first marriage ceremony yesterday. I joined two people together in matrimony. Thank you Wiley Koepp and Brittany BC-Carson for honoring me with the privilege of performing such a feat. So-if... More
Don’t even bother using the word “sodomy” or “thumbfumble” as a keyword search on OKCupid By Seamus O'Sparks on April 23, 2014 — 1 min read Dating tip: don’t even bother using the word “sodomy” or “thumbfumble” as a keyword search on OKCupid…Buncha’ prigs over there I tell you. I also got the squint eye(not what you’re thinking) over at Christian Singles dot com. If I strike out on Where Black People Meet then I don’t know what… More
I have a profile on OkCupid By Seamus O'Sparks on November 12, 2013 — 1 min read Because I can, I would like everyone to know that I have a profile on OkCupid. My name there is Imagogami. It’s a pretty creepy profile too. Now, why do I have a profile on OkCupid? Am I looking for love? Yuck. Love is gross. Farts to puny love I say. No, my hope is... More