Hey everyone, I know I usually just post trivial hogwash By Seamus O'Sparks on December 31, 2016 — 1 min read Hey everyone, I know I usually just post trivial hogwash but today I’m getting a little more sincere. If you are going to go out drinking tonight, please make good decisions. To those of you who know that you’re going to be consuming alcohol to any degree of excess, I implore you to please plan... More
LONG POST-NOT MUCH TIME-HELP!!!!! By Seamus O'Sparks on December 30, 2016 — 2 mins read LONG POST-NOT MUCH TIME-HELP!!!!! Can someone please help me? I need advice on a heavy and sensitive personal issue. I smell really bad. I don’t know what’s causing it but I’ve had this stink for about a week and it gets worse everyday. I can’t determine where the bad smell is coming from. I’ve checked... More
HOW TO DEAL WITH TELE-SOLICITATIONS: PAY HEED By Seamus O'Sparks on December 21, 2016 — 1 min read HOW TO DEAL WITH TELE-SOLICITATIONS: PAY HEED Just got off the phone with the N.R.A. They called to ask if I wanted to become a member or make a contribution to their cause at this, “critical time.” I told the nice man that the only “firearm” I believe in hangs between my legs. He said,... More
Hey, I need some advice By Seamus O'Sparks on August 27, 2016 — 1 min read Hey, I need some advice. I was reading about the secret initiation rites of the Illuminati. It’s pretty perverse-all the sex and drugs and John Denver music. Definitely my kind of scene. Do any of you know how I can join the Illuminati? I’m pretty sharp (almost 1,000 on my S.A.T.). Is there some kind... More
I need some heavy advice By Seamus O'Sparks on December 12, 2015 — 1 min read I need some heavy advice. On my way home from work I heard something in the woods. I went to investigate and discovered that a baby Dracula had been abandoned. I didn’t know what to do so I took him home. I don’t know tiddly-twat about babies or Draculas. IS there a number I should... More
Are pests getting the best of you? By Seamus O'Sparks on July 31, 2015 — 1 min read Are pests getting the best of you? Then it’s time you got REVENGE! Call UNFORGIVEN PEST HUNTERS and I’ll get the job done. Hell of a thing killin’ a bug; you take away all it’s got, and all it’s ever gonna’ have. 100% guarantee that all pests will get what’s coming to ’em. Some people... More
Never hold yourself to a higher standard… By Seamus O'Sparks on August 14, 2014 — 1 min read Never hold yourself to a higher standard than idiocy when it comes to affairs of the penis… More
Be careful in this world, people By Seamus O'Sparks on May 16, 2014 — 1 min read Be careful in this world, people. Be so careful. I had minor surgery this week. Nothing big, they just had to reconnect some things. When I came out from under the anesthesia my whole tummy had been crammed full of burgers. How’d that happen? Was someone having fun at my expense? At my expanse??? 🙁... More
Don’t even bother using the word “sodomy” or “thumbfumble” as a keyword search on OKCupid By Seamus O'Sparks on April 23, 2014 — 1 min read Dating tip: don’t even bother using the word “sodomy” or “thumbfumble” as a keyword search on OKCupid…Buncha’ prigs over there I tell you. I also got the squint eye(not what you’re thinking) over at Christian Singles dot com. If I strike out on Where Black People Meet then I don’t know what… More
A little nonsense By Seamus O'Sparks on April 2, 2014 — 1 min read A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men… More