New Restaurant Idea for San Marcos By Seamus O'Sparks on April 30, 2017 — 1 min read Dear San Marcos Planning & Zoning, My name is Seamus. I am an entreprenuer in the restaurant business and would like to open an eatery in your community. As you well know, there are currently many famous restaurants oriented around the theme of the female body. Specifically, the breast region has been a popular trope... More
I could really use some swift council By Seamus O'Sparks on February 25, 2016 — 1 min read I could really use some swift council. I was eating my sandwich and was so focused on the task that I chewed on past the food and I ended up eating my hand. Talk about overshooting the mark. Damn. I loved that hand. But what I really love is free medical advice. Come on, people-Facebook... More
It’s important to have a good dinner By Seamus O'Sparks on February 23, 2016 — 1 min read It’s important to have a good dinner. Medical science tells us that the body burns most of its calories while sleeping, so it’s especially important to eat your biggest meal right before bed. I typically have: Turkey chili, lasgna, corn, salad, french fries, toast, green peppers, coffee, milk, grapes, pecan pie, and Pepsi. But eating... More
Tired of all those greasy, hard to spread jellies that constantly ruin your breakfast? By Seamus O'Sparks on July 27, 2015 — 1 min read Tired of all those greasy, hard to spread jellies that constantly ruin your breakfast? Me thinks your breakfast needs FINKS! Finks: the spreadable, edible, INCREDIBLE jelly that will liven up any breakfast. Spread it on biscuits, pancakes, waffles, hot dogs, toast, muffins-you name it. And Finks is 100% flavor suited, so moms know their kids... More
We all need a good breakfast in the morning By Seamus O'Sparks on July 26, 2015 — 1 min read We all need a good breakfast in the morning and Golden Grahams has the golden glow to keep you on the go! Those sweet, golden greasy grahams! Oh Lawdy, what a breakfast cereal! More
I just went to my favorite sandwich shop in Austin… By Seamus O'Sparks on June 10, 2015 — 1 min read I just went to my favorite sandwich shop in Austin and I got my usual: 40 inch turtle on hardtack. It was delicious. I also got chips, but not pork rinds. I looked at the pork rinds and on the bag it said, ‘Combining the best tasting ingredients with rich pride.’ So, I looked at... More
Well I finally did it! I invented the product that is going to make me millions By Seamus O'Sparks on August 7, 2014 — 1 min read Well I finally did it! I invented the product that is going to make me millions. Now I can fund my band, smite my enemies, get that surgery, and roll high with the women. Man it’s gonna’ be fun. Oh, and what is this invention? THE LUNCHICLE…That’s right- Lunchicle: Lunch on a stick you’ll love... More
I’d like to issue a formal apology By Seamus O'Sparks on July 29, 2014 — 1 min read I’d like to issue a formal apology to the folks at Chef Boyardee-specifically the Beef-A-Roni division. It turns out the product I had eaten was Heinz “Spotted Dick” Sponge Pudding. I’m sorry for any confusion or trauma my mischaracterization of Chef Boyardee Beef-A-Roni may have caused. And, to be fair, as “Beef-A-Roni” Heinz “Spotted Dick”... More
BEEF-A-RONI…What the hell? By Seamus O'Sparks on July 28, 2014 — 1 min read BEEF-A-RONI…What the hell? I ate this stuff. It sucks. Why do we have it? Don’t get me wrong, I LIKE Chef Boyardee. When I was a kid they used to have these things called, Roller Coasters. Those were awesome. They were wavy pasta with meatballs. And those meatballs-mannnnn…I don’t know what is or was in... More
I went to Dinky’s for breakfast By Seamus O'Sparks on March 19, 2014 — 1 min read Oh my heck, y’all. I went to Dinky’s for breakfast and got their Double Stuffed Egg and Biscuit Healthwich…It had teeth in it. Yeah, y’all. It had teeth in it and it bit me. And Dinky’s wouldn’t even give me peroxide to clean the wound. They accused me of mendacity. I wish Jon Voight was... More