Hey, if you put meat down your pants you can get a gecko to crawl up your leg By Seamus O'Sparks on February 26, 2016 — 1 min read Hey, if you put meat down your pants you can get a gecko to crawl up your leg. It feels really neat (the gecko crawling, not the meat; though the meat doesn’t feel bad). Trust me, it’s a gas. More
Well I’ve had a RARE morning By Seamus O'Sparks on December 17, 2015 — 1 min read Well I’ve had a RARE morning. Thomas Hobbes described man’s pre-civilized “natural” state as, “nasty, brutish, and short.” So what has life become here in our post-natural, hyper-civilized condition? I’d describe it as, “irritating, pointless, and rushed.” Here’s an example of what I’m talking about: my neighborhood is filled with owls. They’re everywhere. It used... More
The amazing Amanda Bloodgood gives us RATS! By Seamus O'Sparks on July 31, 2015 — 1 min read The amazing Amanda Bloodgood gives us RATS! More
I got stung so bad by so many yellow jackets today By Seamus O'Sparks on July 29, 2015 — 1 min read I got stung so bad by so many yellow jackets today. I was working in the yard and reached under a ledge and stirred up a large nest of these bastards. They swarmed me and I started to run. They chased me down and, wouldn’t you know it, when I got to the door I... More
That which does not kill us By Seamus O'Sparks on March 2, 2014 — 1 min read That which does not kill us makes us stronger…except for bear attacks. More
Gads…ye gads… Gethsemene… GOLGOTHA. What a night. By Seamus O'Sparks on November 22, 2013 — 1 min read Gads…ye gads… Gethsemene… GOLGOTHA. What a night. Hell of a night. Front’s here…hello front. Hell of a front. And I’ve eaten lotsa’ hams all damn night long. Now everything smells like hams and fat and father christmas and failure. Even my cat has that doomed look on his prissy cat face. What a bummer man.... More
Today is very sad for me By Seamus O'Sparks on June 28, 2013 — 1 min read Today is very sad for me. My beloved pet cockroach, Burps, died this morning. It was a terrible accident. I feel very sad and depressed. Burps was a great pal who always managed to brighten my day. His delicate exoskeleton contained a heart as big as the Volga. Please keep Burps and I in your... More
My cat gnawed his leg off last night! By Seamus O'Sparks on December 2, 2011 — 1 min read My cat gnawed his leg off last night! He did it in his sleep. What’s worse, when he ran out of his leg he started on mine. Bad cat! He gnawed off my big toe. My favorite piggy. Now I can’t jump around and flail about. ZUT! I tried to replace my big toe with... More
In light of recent events in Ohio By Seamus O'Sparks on October 20, 2011 — 1 min read In light of recent events in Ohio, there is some discussion going on about whether private individuals should be able own exotic animals. Here we go again! It says explicitly in The Constipatution that ALL Americans have THE RIGHT to bear bears. John Adams WANTS YOU to own a zebroid. You hear me?! They can... More
I was menaced by dogs on my morning run By Seamus O'Sparks on October 18, 2011 — 1 min read I was menaced by dogs on my morning run. These were mean dogs, all growling and baring their teeth. Some cur even pulled a bowie knife on me. One of the dog’s fat devil owners came out and I said, “Can you ask Cerberus to heel, please?” He said, “He ain’t gonna’ hurt yew.” I... More