Oh Say Can You Kneel: All mouth and no soul, welcome to the new American way By Seamus O'Sparks on September 27, 2017 — 4 mins read The Facebook has been burning the laughing fire over this football-kneeling-national anthem imbroglio. And man do I love it! Threads filled with screaming human drama; opinions hurled, feelings hurt, teeth bared-heads up. It’s definitely what I signed up for when I slithered on to this toxic piece of 21st century Neverland called social media. It... More
Nothing gets me down! By Seamus O'Sparks on December 28, 2014 — 1 min read Nothing gets me down! I have an unshakeable belief in the possible and a firm commitment to the extraordinary. That’s the cornerstone of my superstentialist world view. Now then, there was a heavyset All-American couple in their 60s who came into my store yesterday. It looked like they shared a single lung. When I told... More
Oh, quick Christmas question By Seamus O'Sparks on December 25, 2014 — 1 min read Oh, quick Christmas question: Is the reason why we eat ham for Christmas because Jesus was born in Bethleham? More
Life is full of rejections By Seamus O'Sparks on August 27, 2014 — 2 mins read Life is full of rejections-so have FUN with it! A U.K. magazine just rejected my short story, ‘The X-Mas Miracle.’ That means that all of my submissions were rejected. OINK! I had to write them back to thank them for their time: Hi Dan, Thanks for the kind notice of rejection. I appreciate you taking... More
My offer to SEED one of you resulted in very few takers By Seamus O'Sparks on April 26, 2014 — 1 min read What a bummer. My offer to SEED one of you resulted in very few takers…I guess there was no “In” at the womb…Just like Christmas, only backwards and with a speech impediment…I wonder if that means that my little Hucklebilly is destined to be the Anti-Christ. A lisping Anti-Christ. Or maybe my little Hucklebetty is... More
Who IS Seamus O Sparks? By Seamus O'Sparks on November 25, 2013 — 1 min read Who IS Seamus O Sparks? What kind of bats are buzzing around his belfry? I was given the number 9. I love movies about cavemen, inbreds, and cannibals. I hope they make a movie about inbred cavemen cannibals soon. The most interesting dream I ever had: I was a soldier in Vietnam. We were walking... More
I did it! By Seamus O'Sparks on November 29, 2011 — 1 min read I did it! I got a HUGE part in the upcoming community Christmas recital. I will be playing Chongo the Christmas Gorilla. It’s a little known fact that there was a gorilla at the nativity. Some Nubian trader who was staying at the inn brought him and he got loose and ran amuck. I think... More
Thanksgiving is now a memory By Seamus O'Sparks on November 28, 2011 — 1 min read Thanksgiving is now a memory. I ate so much turkey. I ate so much turkey that I had dreams about being a turkey. And in these dreams I was a turkey and onstage and everybody was eating at me. Everyone, picking and eating at me. You’re so smart, what does that mean? What is my... More
I have a fear of the 19th century By Seamus O'Sparks on October 14, 2011 — 1 min read I have a fear of the 19th century. I’m not sure why, it just gives me the heebie-jeebies. It seems like such a bleak time, what with all the bleak industrial settings, and Jack-The-Rippers and Ottoman Empires and swarthy immigrants and Elephant Men. I can’t even watch “A Christmas Carol” without feeling nauseous and perturbed.... More