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I just got back from the doctor | Seamus O'Sparks

I just got back from the doctor

By Seamus O'Sparks on April 21, 2017 — 1 min read

The news was bad. I have worms. Not the beneficial kind either. These worms make me itch. How am I supposed to find true love with worms in my gut? This is worse than herpes. And all the poly-friendly crowd does is gossip about me and uninvite me to brunch. Bunch of Pollyannas in that herd. Makes me sick. I think I got these worms when I took LSD and mistook the toilet at Valentino’s for the Fountain of Youth. Probably should have flushed before I started drinking.

Oh well…I bet Ponce DeLeon never had these kinds of problems. He thought he was so cool. He would say, “Look at me, I’ve explored Florida and am entirely worm free.” Who needs him anyway-Florida is overrated…and their football teams all cheat.

GAH…I’m infested here. I have a murder of grackles pecking at my ass…all day. Is it a murder of grackles? A brace of grackles-dule-host? Anyway, they’re busting my hump. Is there a place for people with worms? Lepers get colonies. We wormy people ought to have a spot set aside for us. Somewhere well lit and far removed from judgement…I’m thinking Golden Corral…

Posted in: Random

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.