LONG POST WARNING-Kellyanne Conway, The Long Con The Genius of Marketing and What Madonna and The Mafia Mean to Your Descendants
I used to hear people say all the time, “no matter what you think of Madonna, you HAVE to respect her business sense. She’s great at marketing herself.” After listening to this sentiment several dozen times I came to the conclusion that we were all fucked. I wondered why this same standard never applied to Robert Frost, or Vasco De Gama, or Pablo Escobar. But what did and what do I know? I know this, we now have a president who is considered (by some) to be both a shrewd businessman and a first rate self-promoter. So I suppose I had better respect THAT along with Madonna’s iron tits. Now, what does this have to do with anything? Well, a lot. America has always put a fat ass premium on a slick hustle. If you’re good at what you do, you get the monies and if you’re not then you can eat a bowl of shit. It’s a simple metric for a simple people: $$$=!!!!! and No $$$$=FUCK YOU. And now we have a president who reflects this simple value scheme. It was bad enough when we let the standards drop for our pop stars and food products. But now we’ve slapped that same model on who gets to be president. Maybe I’m too tight in the head on this, but I have never once seen evidence that being good at business made anyone smart, or special, or exemplary. Anyone can make money. All you need to do is be willing to screw it out of people. Money is idiot bait-and there are plenty of snatching idiots to corroborate this statement. The Mafia is real good at making money…they must be fucking geniuses… Why not? So we have Madonna and the Mafia and Donald Trump falling out of Ayn Rand’s ass and the Calvinists and prosperity gospel ilk telling us that this is just as God intended things to be. Where’s a Christ when you need him to say, “BALLS” to all of that. Because the truth is that anyone who buys into this kind of horse whipped shit is also going to be stupid enough to believe that the planet is only six thousand years old, and Barrack Obama was a six toed non-native born Djinn, and that climate change is some kind of scientific flimflam. Let this sink in-people who actually believe that there are witches and demons making dark hay while a secular sun shines are the ones who unleashed this current president. So there we are, a huge portion of this nation-the superstition crusted money will out crowd-is living out their dream to whip history back to the Dark Ages. I’m not sure what historians will call this time period. I vote for the “Post-Truth” age. It seems appropriate both in accuracy and as an ironic aftermath of the so-called “information age.” Why not? Every time Kellyanne Conway opens that wrinkled slit she calls a mouth we get an earful of alternate facts. The social media sites are a monument to this alternate truth zeitgeist and chock full of the new psycho sapiens dry humping their angular honesty. Truth…we hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created fucked. So, it’s no wonder that our president’s latest claim of wiretapping at the hands of his predecessor not only goes largely unscrutinized by his followers, but is actually celebrated as another resounding wallop for their cause. Because here in the Post-Truth age, the president can pull anything out of his ass and by virtue of that, it is so. It used to be that the emperor had no clothes…now he’s masturbating on the roof of the Whitehouse. And it is completely inconsequential. I want all of his supporters to grant me this one favor: Tell me why you think it is okay for him to behave this way? I’m genuinely interested. Hit me with some mean shit too. Tell me all about how horrible Obama was. You bring your truth and I’ll bring mine and we’ll hold hands and touch each other’s hearts with the stuff. Because, in my estimation, for all of your populist bluster about “draining the swamp” you really have no idea about what kind of a bog creature you set loose in the muck. Your brain is one cheeseburger away from a stroke if you think you can actually justify the rectal pulling chicanery that our current president has engaged in during his mere 51 day term. Don’t slink off-explain yourselves. You bought his purple prose. You created this freak show. You’re the idiot. He’s your idiot…own him. Of course, you could just cop to the fact that you got duped and hustled by a master con artist. Hell, maybe it does take some smarts to be good at the business? Maybe, many years from now, you can tell your descendants, “No matter what you think of Donald Trump as a president, you HAVE to respect his business sense. He was great at marketing himself.” It will probably sound much more profound in Chinese.