I need all of your help/advice please!?!?

I need all of your help/advice please!?!? My girlfriend caught me having an emotional affair. What should I do to make things all better? I was having the affair with myself. She caught me really connecting and bonding with myself over several common interests me and I share. Naturally she got upset and threw bath water at me. I told her we (I and me) were just friends, nothing more, just good friends. She didn’t believe me and she shook her finger in my face. If I eat a bug will that make her feel better? Because I told her, “Baby, you’re the only one for me and to prove it I will eat a bug.” What if she calls me on this and I have to eat a bug? Will it work? What kind of bug is appropriate for winning back the heart of the lady you love? Thanks y’all, I really appreciate any help here. :