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By Seamus O'Sparks on June 6, 2015 — 1 min read

MONEY CAN’T BUY HAPPINESS: A number of years ago I experienced a miracle. I put my hand in the window sill (for reasons I can’t remember now) and my finger was bitten by some half-wit insect whose identity I couldn’t make at the time. My finger(index/right hand) developed a painful bump. On the tip of the bump was a brown spot. It kind of resembled a small freckle. I spent days “messing” with my freckled bump. Finally, after much hustle and some heroic squeezing, I was able to get this bump to issue a kind of yellow discharge. For about a week, with a little pressure applied and a pinch of pain, I could squeeze this welt and it would produce a surprisingly large stream of exudation. Then, much to my chagrin, the entire bleb fell off my finger. I was disappointed. I spent the next few years trying to figure out what kind of insect had bitten me and produced this really exciting lump on my finger. I came close to madness as I let myself get bit and stung by every insect I came across. I must have taken the business from at least a hundred creepy crawlies in that time. Finally, two days ago, I found my huckleberry-and the rascal’s name is The Mexican Kicking Spider. I let him bite me and within an hour, there it was: the beautiful little bump, the small brown spot, the soothing discharge. After so much time, so many bites, and numerous visits to the emergency room; the taste of victory was sugar on my tongue (well, toxins in my finger). I didn’t let the little bastard escape from me, though. I caught him and put him in my cigarette package. Now he lives with me. His name is Burps. If you want to come see my bump, or Burps, or some discharge come to the Chasca performance tonight at Taxi’s Pianobar. We’ll be there at 8:00 pm. If you want, Burps can bite your finger too. You’ll see, it’s the little things that bring happiness and life is so good. Relish it…

Posted in: Chasca

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.