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I see that the open carry law/thing passed here in Texas | Seamus O'Sparks

I see that the open carry law/thing passed here in Texas

By Seamus O'Sparks on May 30, 2015 — 1 min read

The law…I see that the open carry law/thing passed here in Texas. I wonder if that will affect my right to OPEN CARRY pornography. I love my pornography and I intend to open carry it EVERYWHERE: The bus, the bank, church, Wal*Mart, dermatologist, pet store, Taco Bell, funerals, public restrooms…everywhere. I like that people can open carry their guns. They can shoot bad guys whilst I open carry my pornography unmolested(sigh). Next time you see me I will be open carrying my porn. I’ll have rags with me by the name of, ‘Borked,’ ‘Erotic Euro-Robot Babes,’ and ‘Planet of the Gapes.’ I will go up to people with guns and we will open carry in tandem. They will have guns, I will have porn. No drugs(maybe a mushroom). The constitution affords me the pursuit of happiness, or-at least-the pursuit of mildly less crippling depression. I hope I don’t draw any heat though. I’m bad with cops and they sense this. Once, I was arrested for being, “legally drunk.” I told the cop that I thought it was an oxymoron to arrest someone for being “legally” anything. You don’t get arrested for being “legally parked” right? He didn’t like what I said and thought I called him a moron. Then he told me I was going to have to take a test to prove that I was not “legally drunk.” I told him that I couldn’t prove a negative. Then I suggested that his tests were lame and offered the opinion that if I could sing the entire, ‘The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald’ without messing up the words that THAT would be a test. He called for back up. I told the cops, now, that I was, figuratively speaking, blind drunk. I admitted that I was not, in fact, legally blind. I was arrested. So-why am I wasting your time on a Friday with this? Maybe I am legally insane? Who knows…But-I hope that with all those guns out there that I am the first person accidentally shot and killed by an open carrier. Then I will be legally dead. And I am certain that I can open carry all the porn I want in heaven…<3

Posted in: Random

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.