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By Seamus O'Sparks on March 17, 2015 — 1 min read

Facebook has put out the word that it is updating its community standards. I found their list of intolerable items to be quite illuminating-from an anthropological perspective. I stole a quote to show you what I’m talking about: “the revisions deal with policies related to self-injury, dangerous organizations, bullying and harassment, criminal activity, sexual violence and exploitation, nudity, hate speech, and violence and graphic content.” Bullying, harassment, hate speech, violence, “dangerous organizations” and…NUDITY. That’s quite a cast of reprobates…Especially NUDITY. NUDITY NUDITY NUDITY. I find you humans interesting. This rubric, as set out by Facebook, essentially, puts groups like Isis and The Klan in the same league as ‘The Birth of Venus.’ If seeing boobs and butts is as disturbing to the human race as say, encountering videos of beheadings or Anti-Semitic propaganda, well, then, I sneeze at you. Maybe if people weren’t wound so tight with respect to nudity, we’d have a lot fewer instances of bullying and harassment, and hate speech and violence and beheadings and Meghan Trainor. Of course, when it comes to nudity, I’m all for it. Yes sir! in fact, I’m completely naked right now as I’m writing this. You bet-just me and a thousand squealing crabs stand between you and my thoughts. Imagine that. And keep in mind, I’m not just some kind of pervert glorying in cheap thrills. No Ma’m! I am, in fact, the best kind of pervert-steeping myself in prurience for prurience’s sake. Of course I respect the fact that not everyone is as freewheelin’ as I. In fact, I prefer it that way-it keeps the sport of living alive and the laughs spontaneous. But God’s Wounds people-nudity is just nature’s way of saying, ‘Yo, them Calvinists are a hoary pack of rabid prigs, so get naked or you’ll be as creepy as they are.” I don’t know, man, but it seems to me that when mankind fell from grace he landed square on his head. Only the brain damaged equate nudity with “dangerous organizations.” Although I am now inspired to start my own ‘nude mafia.’ You’re free to join too. In the meantime, for all of you squares, I leave you with this-PENIS…Penis, and, of course, my compliments.

Posted in: Facebook

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.