Why is everybody’s dial set to asshole today?

By Seamus O'Sparks on February 12, 2015 — 1 min read

I’m not supposed to post from work but, zingus: why is everybody’s dial set to asshole today? So far, among many things, I’ve had an hombre work his machismo out over a plastic heart necklace, some fappy wasp boy cry “hucksterism” and hang up the phone on me, a non-English speaker from Kokovoko hiss and grunt while shooting the stink-eye, an All-American grouch balk because I wouldn’t give him 5 quarters for a dollar, and some weepy single mom bilk me out of 10 dollars for gas money. Also, I think a descendent of Tsar Nicholas II came in and made a fetid mess of the restroom that continues to cast a rank mystique over the entire store, and somebody keeps driving around the block again and again all day long blasting, “Highway to Hell” at top volume and I think it’s the devil and I think he’s sticking it to me…Shape up out there ya’ half-breeds!

Posted in: Rants

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.