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I did something horrible | Seamus O'Sparks

I did something horrible

By Seamus O'Sparks on January 18, 2015 — 1 min read

I did something horrible. While cursing God for creating spaghetti and making me musically inclined instead of a crack shot or able to catch a ball, I channeled my frustrations into my little known second hobby: mad science. Long story short, in my fevered pique, I created the world’s first Octo-Bear-You know, for the kids. I did it. I created an Octo-Bear. Hell of an Octo-Bear. In my dark mood, as I fashioned nature’s most perfect killing(and juggling) machine, I forgot to ask the hard ethical questions about “playing God.” If you’re guessing that my hubris has come back to bite me in the ass, you’d be correct. If you’re supposing that my Octo-Bear broke free his bonds and ran amok, you’d be right. Damned right. My perfect creation, born out of boredom and spite, got loose and did my drugs, drank my booze, ate my cat, ate my neighbor, and ate my breakfast. I should have known there was a reason nature never created a bio-niche for a creature such as Octo-Bear. Looking back, I probably shouldn’t have taught him to use a pistol.To add insult to injury, Andrew Lloyd Webber has already started working on a Rock Opera about Octo-Bear. This is getting out of hand. So, caution: Octo-Bear is out there. So is Andrew Lloyd Webber. I would appreciate it if you would contact me if you see Octo-Bear. He answers to the name, ‘Roscoe.’ I’m guessing Andrew Lloyd Webber answers to the name Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber. Don’t even bother me if you see him…jellicle cats my ass.

Posted in: Random

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.