Warning: Use of undefined constant DATABASE_SERVER - assumed 'DATABASE_SERVER' (this will throw an Error in a future version of PHP) in /home/wjl7ay88puji/domains/seamus.wileykoepp.com/html/wp-config.php on line 32
Nothing gets me down! | Seamus O'Sparks

Nothing gets me down!

By Seamus O'Sparks on December 28, 2014 — 1 min read

Nothing gets me down! I have an unshakeable belief in the possible and a firm commitment to the extraordinary. That’s the cornerstone of my superstentialist world view. Now then, there was a heavyset All-American couple in their 60s who came into my store yesterday. It looked like they shared a single lung. When I told them that the Christmas items were all 40% off, the gentleman clenched his brow and said, “Hmmmm, not 50%?” And his tone was somewhere between stinky and Richard Nixon when he spoke about Jews. So I replied that, for them, I would go 150 % off of all Christmas items. That sucked the fierce right out of them. They were so mixed up by my response that they began to weep and flew out of the shop on a toadstool. Later a bum with red dreadlocks bitched at me for only having a menthol cigarette for him. He belched, blowing vodka and contempt down my throat. All in all, it was a pretty good Saturday, though; not one person had the decency to offer to blow my brains out.

Posted in: Christmas, Random

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.