You may find this hard to believe, but I am an ordained minister

By Seamus O'Sparks on December 22, 2014 — 1 min read

You may find this hard to believe, but I am an ordained minister. It’s true. I’m not all sodomy and pep pills. I performed my first marriage ceremony yesterday. I joined two people together in matrimony. Thank you Wiley Koepp and Brittany BC-Carson for honoring me with the privilege of performing such a feat. So-if any of you out there are thinking of getting married, give me a call. I work cheap! It’s hitchin’ season and I got an itchin’ for some hitchin’! I am also sanctioned to perform funeral rites(heaven forbid) and absolve sin. If you need your sins absolved, give me a call! I even have a 1-2 special going where I will help you sin and then absolve you. I got my sinnin’ hand and my absolvin’ hand and I’m handy with both-all we need is a public restroom and some mild contrition…Peace be with you.

Posted in: Relationships

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.