I missed the deadline for registering to run for office

By Seamus O'Sparks on August 29, 2014 — 1 min read

I missed the deadline for registering to run for office. I would run on the Superstenial Party Ticket and if I were to run here are a FEW of my platform planks:

  • Build giant statue of Johnny Depp in town square
  • Change name of town to Wal-Mart City
  • Make it legal to smoke anything in all public restrooms
  • Declare August 28th Naked Day-and make it a citywide holiday
  • Make it mandatory for all Texas State freshman under the age of 20 to either travel by tortoise or (if tortoise cannot be obtained) skipping
  • 25 dollar fine for anybody who is caught with a blood alcohol level under .08
  • Enact city law that all non-local businesses (specifically nationwide chains) operate under the name, ‘Crap From China You Don’t Need’ or ‘Crap That Will Kill You Slowly.’
Posted in: Politics

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.