I missed the deadline for registering to run for office. I would run on the Superstenial Party Ticket and if I were to run here are a FEW of my platform planks:
- Build giant statue of Johnny Depp in town square
- Change name of town to Wal-Mart City
- Make it legal to smoke anything in all public restrooms
- Declare August 28th Naked Day-and make it a citywide holiday
- Make it mandatory for all Texas State freshman under the age of 20 to either travel by tortoise or (if tortoise cannot be obtained) skipping
- 25 dollar fine for anybody who is caught with a blood alcohol level under .08
- Enact city law that all non-local businesses (specifically nationwide chains) operate under the name, ‘Crap From China You Don’t Need’ or ‘Crap That Will Kill You Slowly.’
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Politics