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BEEF-A-RONI…What the hell? | Seamus O'Sparks

BEEF-A-RONI…What the hell?

By Seamus O'Sparks on July 28, 2014 — 1 min read

BEEF-A-RONI…What the hell? I ate this stuff. It sucks. Why do we have it? Don’t get me wrong, I LIKE Chef Boyardee. When I was a kid they used to have these things called, Roller Coasters. Those were awesome. They were wavy pasta with meatballs. And those meatballs-mannnnn…I don’t know what is or was in them-probably sloth lips and industrial waste. So what-they didn’t suck. How come everybody has a grinch about the government and Obama wasn’t born and it’s all a big conspiracy and NO ONE is throwing up a stink about BEEF-A-RONI? Who buys this garbage? Who slops their little hogs with this stuff? Are you sitting there thinking, ‘Well, uh, geez, maybe you should just not eat the junk if you hate it so much…” Yeah-BIG BOY-like that’ll fix Babylon…I already ate this hokum. It’s done and now I hate it. Genie’s out of the bottle on this one…So what; you sit at the bar pontificating about the evils of autumn and spewing whatever esoteric and obscure data that slithered off the internet and into your brains through that ruddy slit of a maw and hold yourself in pretty high esteem for warning people that the vapor trails behind jets is actually a government funded toxin designed to lower men’s sperm count. So that’s your thing, eh? Meanwhile everyone is walking around clenching their ass cheeks, busting the bag boy’s chops, and tolerating Beef-A-Roni… Of the people by the people for the people-BEEF-A-RONI…Free market-BEEF-A-RONI…Lower Taxes-BEEF-A-RONI…Live at five-BEEF-A-RONI…this is why we can’t have nice things…or maybe I’m just grumpy ‘cos it’s Monday…BEEF-A-RONI!!!!

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.