Most days I usually wake up nice and early, kiss both of my lovers

By Seamus O'Sparks on September 13, 2013 — 1 min read

Most days I usually wake up nice and early, kiss both of my lovers-whoever they happen to be-gently on the cheeks(heh heh you bet that’s what I meant). I go open an orange soda and enjoy some of my beloved pornography. BUT-today is FRIDAY THE 13th!!!! And I’m very neurotic. I already lost a toe today! Man…So now me and my lovers are cradling each other and we’ve added copious amounts of vodka to the orange soda and we’re watching Karen Carpenter drum solos(SHE KICKS ASS I’m TELLING YOU!) on YOUTUBE to calm our nerves. Because when the nitwits of the world and the rotten luck of the Universe collide to bring on the Ragnarok, my policy has always been to go out drunk off my ass, high as a kite, and getting naked and kinky with as many sons of Adam and daughters of Eve as I can dupe. And I’m a super-duper…So, TAKE THAT FRIDAY THE 13TH!!!! And I’m even MORE afraid of SATURDAY THE 14TH…Might have to break out the Opium and rubber fists tomorrow!!! I LOVE MY LIFE!!!!!

Posted in: Days of the Week

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.