Happy July!

By Seamus O'Sparks on July 1, 2013 — 1 min read

Happy July! Soon it will be AMERICA’S big day!!! Let’s take a moment, then, to appreciate that most American of totems: The American flag. I, for one, love the American flag. I think it’s sexy. It’s true. I’ve always had a “thing” for our star-spangled banner. I mean, we’re not talking a star-flecked, star-crossed,star-dappled piece of cloth. No sir. This banner is STAR-SPANGLED. I tried to spangle myself with stars once. Spent three days in the hospital because of it. I really get all gooey when I see some nubile creature sporting an American flag swimsuit. Is it wrong to be aroused by such a thing? Am I some kind of weird patriotic-pervert? An All-American New World Caligula? I hope so. Maybe I’ll sit up tonight and drink Thunderbird and sit naked while draped in old glory contemplating these things…The rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air, hello darkness my old friend…Let me know if you want to join me. We could spangle each other. Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?

Posted in: Holidays

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.