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My cat gnawed his leg off last night! | Seamus O'Sparks

My cat gnawed his leg off last night!

By Seamus O'Sparks on December 2, 2011 — 1 min read

My cat gnawed his leg off last night! He did it in his sleep. What’s worse, when he ran out of his leg he started on mine. Bad cat! He gnawed off my big toe. My favorite piggy. Now I can’t jump around and flail about. ZUT! I tried to replace my big toe with a “fun size” milky way bar, but then I had a fat kid sucking on my delectable digit-which was fine except for at the bank-where they kicked me out of there toute-de-suite and called me awful names like, “Dragon Man.” So I sent the fat kid away but gave him the rest of the milky way. So I remain, toeless and weeping.

Posted in: Animals

The Story of Seamus

Seamus O'Sparks is the seventh son of a Seventh Day Adventist who went on a seven-day bender starting on July 7, 1977 at a strip club called Seventh Heaven at the corner of 7th St. and 7th Ave. in the West Village.